Growing Pains

We change. We grow. We sometimes grow out of things. We grow out of sleeping with our stuffed animals, we grow out of watching cartoons, drinking milk before going to bed every night, we grow out of our clothes. Growing out of these kinds of things seem normal to us. It seems like the natural part of growing up. However, growing up and growing out of things doesn’t stop when we become an adult; they continue as we continue to live.

            As we continue to live, we change with what life brings to us. In time we may grow out of friendships. Some people, who used to be very close to us, may become acquaintances, and along the way we make new friends. As we grow and change what we expect from our friends and from people who are close to us change. Thus, the relationships change. How many of us are still in touch with all of our close friends in high school? Most of us just stay in touch with a few of them, and don’t get to see the rest of the class regularly. As we continue to live, we continue to grow, and the changes within us bring changes in our life. Things that used to seem appealing in the past don’t seem that way anymore. Even though it sounds and seems very saddening, this change is an integral part of life.

            Sometimes we can’t wait to move to the next chapter in our life, but sometimes we feel saddened by the end of an era. Some of these changes make us feel upset, such as breaking up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, growing apart from a close friend, or a group of friends, quitting your job after many long years, moving to a new city, or a new country, etc. People may start moving towards different directions, and may not enjoy each other’s company as they used to, or get along as well as they used to. Moving on seems like the best step. However, all the memories, shared experiences, the comfort zone they have created in their lives in time might have prepared this step to be a very saddening one. We don’t want to let go off the things we got accustomed to, and people we grew close with along the way. We don’t want to move away from the comfort zone we’ve created for ourselves in our lives. Every time you start a new job, at a new office, with new colleagues, you enter into a new zone. Even if you quit your job voluntarily, you feel nostalgic about the friends and habits you have to leave behind.  The separation from the things we’ve been used to, and people we’ve been used to may be disheartening. It may be heartbreaking when we are going through that experience. However, if we can just embrace this new phase in our life, we may find this change liberating.

Taking that next step into the unknown and going towards that direction may be tough and scary. Nevertheless, these changes are actually coming from within you. You probably have been feeling like some kind of transformation has been taking place for a while. So, when you embrace this transformation and reflect it in your life, you may actually feel like you are embracing who you have become, and allowing yourself to be who you are. When you do that, you may realize that it is beautiful to surrender and let yourself flow with the natural cycle of life.

Don’t be afraid of the changes it brings. If you are feeling that change within you, then you have already started that journey. It may be time to stop being scared, and start taking pleasure in that change. Allow yourself to be yourself.

Do our self-definitions limit our growth?

Can defining yourself one way stop you from changing, growing and succeeding at times?

We always define ourselves one way or another; with our likes and dislikes; with things we are good at, and things we can’t do; and so on and so forth. At first it seems like all these definitions help us to have a stand, have a place on earth, and in society. However, if you look closely you may see that sometimes all these definitions just limit us.

            What if you have defined yourself as someone who doesn’t like theater, and one day you go to see one and you like it. Then what happens? Or you define yourself as someone who doesn’t like a certain kind of food, and one day you accidentally eat and like it. Then what? Do you embrace that change or do you call that experience as an exception to the rule and keep holding on to your predetermined definitions? Do you even deny that you like the theater you say and not even go to see another one in order to prevent yourself from experiencing anything that might contradict your self-definition?

            For a while I have been working on doing a tripod headstand (Mukta Hasta Sirsasana), where you put the top of your head and your two palms on the floor, forming a triangle shape, and lifting your legs all the way up from there. I have been doing Sirsasana (headstand) for while now, but for some reason tripod headstand hasn’t come so easy to me. I have been working on coming up from Bakasana (crow pose), and Prasarita Padottanasana D.  Even though I have been trying it for a while, I was only able to get my legs up only a few inches off of the floor. There was something missing; maybe core, maybe the connection between pressing my hands down and activating my core. I am not sure. I kept up with my daily practice, and just tried to come up to tripod headstand a few times a week. Last week, again I was trying to come up to tripod headstand and my legs felt light, and they just easily started coming up. I was surprised. My legs just kept going up. But all of a sudden I came down. I brought my legs down. What happened? Haven’t I been working for this for a while now? Why did I bring myself down?

            Apparently physically my body was ready. Whatever was missing before was present. However, when I was working on getting my body ready, I neglected one thing: I wasn’t ready mentally. I had conditioned myself to the fact that I cannot do this pose. So, even though I was trying and attempting to do the pose regularly, I was just accepting the fact that I won’t be able to come up all the way. When the day came, and my body was ready, due to all the practice, I wasn’t mentally ready yet, and had to bring myself out of the pose. I didn’t try to get in to tripod headstand again that day, or the day after. Only a few days later, I gave it another try, and I came up all the way. I was in the pose, and I was enjoying it.  I came down, and I went back up again a few more times. I was ready to accept the fact that I could do the pose. I was ready, mentally and physically.

Sometimes the way we define ourselves block us and prevent us from growing, and from experiencing different things. Even if you are working on something, you may just keep yourself away from actually reaching it, because you are so used to thinking that you will never get there, and you will only keep trying. Then, what’s stopping you from reaching and getting what you are working for is not the circumstances or external facts, but your own mind, and your own fear of actually getting it.

You may not be able to do a headstand today, but you are not a person who can’t do a headstand ever. You just can’t do it today. Everyday is a new day. Sometimes it is better not to define yourself in one way or another. Accept yourself the way you are today, but don’t let any kind of definition of yourself or definition of anyone else to get engraved in your mind. Allow the room for yourself and others to grow, and change. Don’t be the one to prevent yourself from growing by defining yourself one way or another. Sky is the limit, and even that is not.